When you become a mother you give up lots of things, but sex and intimacy with your partner doesn't have to be one of them. Going through my first pregnancy was hard. My body was changing and my hormones were out of control. When I got to the end of my pregnancy, sex was the last thing on my mind. I was uncomfortable and couldn't see my toes. I longed to be normal again and have the closeness with my husband once again. I thought when my daughter was born I would once again have my body back and feel normal again. What happened when she arrived? I felt even more distance from the body I once knew. I was sore and once again had crazy raging hormones that made me feel like an alien. Fast forward 14 months, things were great in the intimacy department between my husband and I. Guess what happened next? We decided to have another baby. This time around sex was almost non-existent because I had a toddler watching my every move. I painfully made it through my pregnancy and healed very quickly from birth. I was craving intimacy and felt so lonely. I quickly became a person who no longer made excuses for why I couldn’t be intimate with my husband. I realized that my relationship with my husband was also very crucial to my children's happiness. I took control of how I felt about intimacy as a mom and I decided I would have fun and feel sexy again.
People will tell you all about the amazing joy and happiness you feel holding your newborn, but what people don’t tell you is you will feel like you never want anything touching your lady parts again. Not only are you trying to bond with your newborn, you are feeling a little alone and vulnerable. You may be thinking your partner will no longer find you sexy or that because you're a mom you can’t be sexy and fun in the bedroom. The stigma about sex in our society doesn’t help, but there is hope. If you make the time to take care of yourself and allow time for your partner and you to connect, you can get your sexy back.
I eventually got to a point where I was comfortable with sexuality and that even though I was a mother I could be sexy. I realized that sex is healthy, normal, fun, exhilarating and maybe even more fun when you have to sneak around and have sex in places you may never have thought of before you were a mother. Take society’s ideals about why you can’t be sexy as a mom and throw it out the window. Do what makes you happy and what feels right. As Mothers we have the right to the same amount of intimacy as any other woman.
I am going to share some of the ways my husband and I have kept our intimacy alive post babies. We try to make time for each other as much as possible. We attempt to go on weekly dates where we get dressed up in our best clothes and I spend time doing my hair and makeup. Sometimes these dates are at home (cook a nice dinner together and have some wine). We also have mini dates most nights after the kids go to bed. We enjoy a few glasses of wine while watching our favorite tv series or movies. We like to give each other compliments regularly and send flirty or sexy texts throughout the day. Having a strong intimate relationship with your partner starts with loving your body. It’s not easy to have your body completely transformed after having babies. I went from being 112lbs with a super flat and smooth belly to currently 135lbs with loose skin around my belly button and lots of stretch marks. I have come a long way in loving my body since having my first but I am still working on it. My husband tells me I am sexy and that he loves my body which in turn helps me to love my body more. My last tip is to sneak off for a quickie when your children are occupied. If you make an effort to be more connected and intimate you will reap many benefits. Having children can make it harder to connect intimately but without sex and intimacy a relationship won’t last long, so put those kids to sleep and bring your sexy back.